Friday Fictioneers #4 He Reminds Her What it is to be Alive

This morning tumbling from the billowing waves of the bed-sheet, a stone banded the white and blue of the ocean outside her window. She put it on the sill with the piece of sea glass discovered while folding clothes and remembered their love like it was another lifetime: how he would tuck into her hand a shell, a stone; the way he had opened her like a rose; her sorrow when currents had swept them into different lives. Now she opens the door and light breaks into a million glistening colors as she sees the honeycomb on her doorstep and knows.

wasp-nest

Copyright-Janet Webb

The Friday Fictioneers is an online group dedicated to crafting flash fiction pieces of a 100 words each week with the inspiration of a photo prompt. Thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for running the group. If you would like to read more pieces inspired by this prompt click here.

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24 Responses to Friday Fictioneers #4 He Reminds Her What it is to be Alive

  1. Dear Kelly,
    Quite a vivid piece of imagery. Nice use of light and color. Was the honeycomb on the door a gift from him?
    Shalom,
    Rochelle
    PS “Wisoff…no ‘e'”

    • Mystikel says:

      She thinks it must be from his ghost.

      Sorry about the ‘e’! I always read it as ‘wise off’ and imagined that you must have been a really chatty kid and at some point a teacher must have sarcastically called you “Miss Wise-off” lol.

      • Mystikel says:

        It’s not letting me correct it with the iPad. I’ll try later on the computer. The kid has a vacation from school this week so it will be a while before I can get on there 😉

    • No problem. I love my iPad but it can be kind of a pain in the tush sometimes. I much prefer my desk top keyboard, the iPad’s nice ad portable.
      As for Wise-off, you’re not far off. One of my teachers wrote in my junior high yearbook:
      “Wise-off, not Wisoff
      Wise-off the beaten track of the masses.”
      I hope I’ve followed his advice.
      Shalom,
      rochelle

  2. zookyworld says:

    A lovely story from the photo prompt… and sad, too, since she remembers “their love like it was another lifetime,” but hopeful at the end with his return.

    • Mystikel says:

      Thanks Zooky. I have to say that I meant that she started receiving little gifts like the rock and sea glass and honey comb decades after they broke up and remembering her lost love realized that he must have passed away. It was supposed to be that his ghost was leaving the gifts. I think that was clearer before I cut 25 words out. I thought it was still implied but it’s really not because none of readers picked up on it. Thanks for the valuable feedback.

      • zookyworld says:

        That’s happened to me when some meaning was in a story, but then slipped to the side when I edited the story down. That word limit is a challenge!

  3. Jan Brown says:

    Lovely imagery, symbolism. Very poetic.

  4. I agree with Jan that this is very poetic and nice use of metaphor. I don’t understand what “banded” means in this: “a stone banded the white and blue of the ocean”, but I also like how you transmuted the nest into similar-looking honeycomb. I love the image of sea glass because sea glass is lovely.

    I think here, “million glistened colors”, you want “glistening” instead of “glistened.”

    janet

    • Mystikel says:

      Hi Janet, you’re right about the tense of glistened. It was due to changing the last line to present tense around 3am. Thanks for catching it. By banded I meant striped like the blue and white rock under the wasp nest in the picture. Overall I like it, but it would have been clearer to people with the 25 or so words I had to cut.

  5. Anne Orchard says:

    I thought this was a lovely poetic piece of writing. I got that he was dead and yet kept leaving her little gifts. I thought banded meant the stripes of white and dark, which you get on many of the stones on our beach. I hope she enjoys the honeycomb.

  6. Joe Owens says:

    Such a rich prompt and you were able to pull even another angle out of it.

  7. Mystikel says:

    Thanks. I love seeing all the different takes on the pictures.

  8. denmother says:

    I liked your description of the rock and the idea of the ocean separating them. The honeycomb gift makes perfect sense and of course it must be him, giver of things natural.

  9. EagleAye says:

    Lots of great description there. The story and sad and sweet at the same time. Very nice.

  10. kz says:

    this is very lovely. there’s an almost poetic quality about this story… it reads wonderfully. 🙂

  11. Shreyank says:

    Agree with Kz and other poetic writing .. loved it 🙂

  12. Sandra says:

    I didn’t get the ‘ghost’ inference, but it was a very atmospheric piece of writing. Enjoyed it.

  13. A sweet story of love and loss, and very enjoyable to read. 🙂

  14. kdillmanjones says:

    Beautiful. Painful, but beautiful. Maybe the two are inseparable.

  15. This only proves it is better to have loved and lost…

  16. Nice ending. So, is there hope for them in the end?

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